College Daze

hehehe

Sat, 13 May 2006 22:20:19 GMT

How to make a Jenae Smith

Ingredients:

5 parts friendliness

1 part ambition

5 parts leadership

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

just for fun

Thu, 23 Feb 2006 23:31:19 GMT

You Are Boyish Sexy

You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boys
Whether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...
Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.
You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

Time...

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 18:22:54 GMT

It is so crazy to me, to think that at this time last year... I still didn't really know anyone up here except my suitemates. I hung out with them, and knew others in passing... but it has really still been less than a year since I became friends with the people I hang out with most! That sort of thing is only strange because of how close we all are. I love you guys, but this is nuts! I know that a LOT happened in that year, and I suppose that helps. Well, either way... I am thankful for every single one of you! Here's to being just as close this time next year!!!! I love you all!!!

What the hell... who remembers me? lol come on, raise your hands... I know SOMEONE does! ;)

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 02:43:49 GMT

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't
speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be
anything you want- good or bad. When you're finished, post this little paragraph
on your livejournal and be surprised (or moritified) about what people remember about
you.

hmmmmm......

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 21:00:04 GMT

Well, I think it is safe to say that I haven't posted in a while. So much has happened though, that I don't think I want to do a thorough catch-up. Everyone would kill me I'm sure. Anyways. Here's the speeded up version: Back at school, classes are okay, grades are pretty good so far, the room kicks ass, the boyfriend is the best, got a new computer, it works great, family is doing good, Brigitta is having her baby in a couple months, baby shower in a couple weeks, I'm going home for it. There! lol, damn I'm good!

I don't really know what else I want to say. It feels like I am just finally getting settled in. So much has been happening lately it seems as though the time is LITERALLY flying. There is still so much to do and so little time to do it in.

To complicate it all, Money has NEVER been this tight. My brother just had a birthday, I can't do anything for him at all. I'm not sure how I'm affording the gas to go home next weekend. I owe Ben money cuz I needed jeans desperately(as in I only had three pair) and he bought them for me, and I can't leave it that way, my jeans are expensive! I have money out on my credit card, I am in the whole on my line of credit with my checking account, I doubt anyone will be getting anything from me for Christmas, and that will make me feel really bad if they get me anything. I'm considering asking my mom and dad if for Christmas they will give me money to get things for other people. Next quarter should be a little bit better, but I still don't know what I'm using to pay for books. I appreciate everything that my family is doing and I know that they are trying to help, but my dad hasn't sent any money in a couple of weeks and I have a credit card payment due and I'm not sure what I am doing. I paid it, but I really could have used that money to buy groceries. I have rebates from my computer that I have to handle, but that money really needs to go on my credit card so that the balance on there will be a lot lower so I can pay it off someday, plus that might be how I buy books next quarter. I really need a job. But I really don't want to work at the dining hall, besides, when will I find the time to get my food-handlers? I don't want to work food. I hate working food. This sucks.

Well, I think I have bitched enough... Things are bound to change soon, one way or the other, and overall, life is really good right now. The only real problem is the money. Oh well... at least I don't have to deal with the rent shit yet... trying to find somewhere to live and figure out who all is living with us... life is bound to get more complicated before it gets better, but it is worth a try. Right now, the future is quite shiny, I know I sound like a pessimist or something caught in a fistfight with an optimist, but that might just be because I can't make up my mind. Things have never been this tight, but overall I'm doing okay, and that's just weird.

I linger in the doorway
of alarm clock screaming monsters calling my name
let me stay
where the wind will whisper to me
and the raindrops as they're falling tell a story

.......

Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The Goddess of imaginary light

Peachy

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 03:01:02 GMT

well.... life is a little more peachy.

i quit the previously discussed job, it was aweful. they actually wanted you to MANIPULATE and TRICK people into spending twenty-five HUNDRED dollars!!!! i couldn't do it. so i quit, but now i actually have two jobs and either one is better than the one i had before. the first job i got is as event staff for an entertainment company, so i get paid to hear concerts and go to fairs and stuff. its pretty cool. but it is only minimum wage, and it is a portland gig so it is way high taxes and i only get paid once a month, which sucks big time. the other job i have, sometimes conflicts, but i make more money at it so it comes first. i am a greeter for ace hardware, but i work for west coast vinyl. its awesome! i get paid ten bucks an hour, plus incentive and drive time, all to sit around and talk to people!!! COULD THERE BE A MORE PERFECT JOB FOR ME??? plus i only work friday through monday. which means the middle of the week is available to tan... IM NO LONGER TRANSPARENT... WOOO HOOOO!!!!

i also have a plane ticket for two weeks and two days from now to go see ben for FIVE WHOLE DAYS!!! it was originally only three days at some vague point in the future and that was very depressing. however i am a little sleepy. the last couple of nights i have been hanging up at one am and getting up at seven am... thats a short night, then i go swimming after work, then i repeat the process... so i guess it finally caught up with me. last night i was talking to ben and he was telling me a story, and the next thing i know im waking up to the operator saying 'if you would like to make a call...' i feel so bad. but it was late and i couldn't call back and apologize right away, so i had to turn off the light and go to sleep.

today was good though, this job has the potential for bank. that would be nice.

been having lots of fun lately. went to the river after work friday with devon and sylvia, then jess joined and that was cool. then yesterday we met up at the river again after work, only this time it was minus a devon and sylvia and plus a chris and tony. it was pretty cool. chris needs to take a cold shower, but other than that things went well. then when we were trying to leave, jessica discovered that her wallet was missing... SOMEONE STOLE IT!!! that's so shitty, it makes me sad.

anyways, i guess that is all the updating i have energy for tonight. its a lot, i know, but i feel like i am forgetting something... oh yeah!

........................................

don't need no copy of vogue magazine
don't need to dress like no beauty queen
high heels or sneakers he don't give a damn
my baby loves me just the way that i am
my baby loves me just the way that i am

he never tells me i'm not good enough
he just gives me unconditional love
he loves me tender, he loves me mad
he loves me silly, and he loves me sad

he thinks i'm pretty, he thinks i'm smart
he likes my nerve and he loves my heart
he's always saying he's my biggest fan
my baby loves me just the way that i am
my baby loves me just the way that i am

and when there's dark clouds in my eyes
he just sits back and lets 'em roll on by
i come in like a lion, go out like a lamb
my baby loves me just the way that i am
my baby loves me just the way that i am

he thinks i'm pretty, he thinks i'm smart
he likes my nerve, and he loves my heart
he's always sayin' he's my biggest fan
my baby loves me just the way that i am
my baby loves me just the way that i am

he thinks i'm pretty, he thinks i'm smart
he likes my nerve, and he loves my heart
don't see no reason to change my plan
my baby loves me just the way that i am
my baby loves me just the way that i am

...................................................

came on the radio today on my way home from work... yay

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 03:24:40 GMT

well, i am apparently worse at updating from home than i am at school, rather pathetic i'd say. maybe not, i'm not on the computer that often here.

anyways

i got a job today. it's exactly the kind of job i didn't want. however, my mom keeps holding over my head anything she helps me with, so this can help free me of that, i hope. as long as it doesn't enter the realm of ridiculous. whatever, i dunno. i'm not excited but if the guy i talked to is serious, the money should be worth it to me.

the school finally processed my financial aid stuff, not that i've received it, but at least i know that it is coming.

i miss ben.

i haven't gotten to really talk to him since saturday even... last night i was so tired when he called that i don't even remember most of what he said, and i feel bad for it. i broke down and called and asked his parents to leave a note for him to call me tonight, they were so nice. i like them very much. his dad and i chatted and both his parents congratulated me on getting a job, which was sweet of them. i hope he calls. anyone who reads this is welcome to please give me a call. i hate being at home. i can't wait for school to start again. my mom's house is intense and i get treated worse than the dog. now i am on bad enough terms with my dad that i can't even run to him....

i know some, like aaron, use entries like this as excellent examples of how much people whine on here. sorry about that. i just.... i dunno.... i just wish.... so much, too much i guess. anyways, i'm done here.

hope others are having a better break.

can't wait to see everyone again.

Hmmmmmm

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 06:29:35 GMT

so i haven't updated in about forever, but i haven't been online in about forever either... sorry if you guys just got swamped with comments from me, i was catching up and on the earliest friends pages i can see i was still getting new ones... dang. anyways... great news! i got a new car! it isn't my dream car or anything, and it isn't BRAND new, but it is still under warrantee which makes me VERY happy. it's a 2003 kia rio... it is BRIGHT ASS RED! and because people always pester me, yes i have named this one, but i refuse to document it's name, so you will have to ask later!

so ben is gone back home again, haven't seen him in almost two weeks... maybe i'm lame for it, but i REALLY miss him... miss other people lots too!!! this is the first time i have EVER wished that summer would hurry up and end, but i do!!! i want to be back at school and hang out with everyone! oh and i finally got my room clean and organized today, and i found some things that aren't mine.

thermometer... i think it is chrissy's but i got it from niko when ben was sick
cd.. cant remember which one now, but i know it is joanna's

that's all i remember.

anyways, so tomorrow the flooring people are coming and doing the kitchen/dining area, living room, and main bathroom, and then the house gets put back together for the last time and life can be almost normal for around here again! oh and just to update, i officially hate my dad again, anyone who wants details must ask, i will not post them for the world to see, lets just say that it is reminiscent of one of my big problems from the school year.

i cut my hair.

okay, i think that covers most of it, if not, too bad... i will update again soon, i hope, if the internet keeps working in my room i will prolly update and be online more often... hope everyone is good... someone call me to hang out... im tired of job hunting and coming up empty... anybody knows anywhere around here to get hired fast, let me know... PLEASE!!!!

my foods gone cold,i'm wondering why i got out of bed at all
the morning rain clouds up my window and i can't see at all
and even if i could it'd all be gray, but your picture on my wall
it reminds me that it's not so bad
it's not so bad
i drank too much last night, got bills today
my head just feels in pain
i missed the bus and there'll be hell to pay
i'm late for work again
and even if i'm there, they'll all imply that i might not last the day
and then you call me and it's not so bad
it's not so bad and
i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life
push the door, i'm home at last and i'm soaking through and through
then you handed me a towel and all i see is you
and even if my house falls down now, i wouldn't have a clue
because you're near me and
i want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life
oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life

that's to everyone who made this last school year the best day of my life... thank you!

What's My Age Again??? .... hmmmmm......

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 05:36:10 GMT

You Are 26 Years Old

26

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

hmmmmmmm

Fri, 27 May 2005 06:32:58 GMT

Sometimes I sit and think, and wish... that my life weren't mine, that my family wasn't mine, and that my past belonged to someone else. Then I feel guilty, because I realize that means that I am wishing all of that on someone else. But it IS my life, my family AND MMYY past. I can't change that, and it isn't as if it were all bad. I just sit and think and wish.... and eventually accept again.

Sorry about the downer guys... it is just one of those nights.

Friday the 13th

Tue, 17 May 2005 18:18:36 GMT

So I went home this weekend and everything was insane... my awful parts of my weekend were at least seperated by good-ness, but it was all very stressful. So I had a test Friday morning, that I was of course up ALL night studying for, all so i could get a sixty-eight, which i believe has me at a c- in that class, yay. anyways, when i got back from class, i chipped a tooth, on my teeth, great right? i'm a freakin rocket scientist. but the great day doesnt end there! we left really early on friday, so that we could get back early. i was bringing ben home to meet my family, since he will be staying with me for part of the summer, it seemed like a good idea for them to know who he is, so the goal was to have time to hang out with everyone, hence the leaving early. well, about an hour into our trip, when i was starting to think we were going to make really good time, my tire blew out. didnt just blow, it was shredded almost all the way around, no idea what caused it to happen. had to wait for triple a, then had to buy two new tires. when we finally got home, i had been on the road for somewhere betweeen 8.5 and 9 hours. i was kinda tired of the car, fortunately jess is a saint and drove part of the way.

the middle of the weekend went fairly well... got some good talking time in, everybody loves ben and he seems to really like my family, which is always a good thing. got to hang with dad/beth/jacinda, devon/sylvia, sarrah/joel, and a little with mom/nana/allen, though not as much with that last category as i would have liked, they had a lot of plans this weekend, and i wasnt actually expecting to see nana at all. sunday morning, i got in the shower and ben was the only one home, i only took like a fifteen minute shower, but i walked out to the back room and ben was surrounded by sylvia/nana/mom and devon/allen were working on the bathroom (its being remodeled) it made me sorry i chose to take a shower when i did!!! it was insane!!

however, the weekend couoldn't be totally happy, we had a family meeting on sunday and decided that my nineteen year old cat would have to be put down, then on the way back, we got stuck in marysville for like half an hour becaue my fucking car wouldn't start, and now i have to replace the starter, but since i just had to buy two new tires on friday, i have no idea how i am going to do that!!!!

so the crazy weekend has come to an end, it is now tuesday and i seriously just made my bed and unpacked like ten minutes ago... looking forward to sleeping in my bed tonight, hell, im looking forward to sleeping period. cinema quiz at two, supposed to be playing softball after cinema, but i am so tired that i might skip... im sorry if i do david stein. i really actually WANT to play, after that last game i was really sad when we thought we were done cuz it was all fun and exciting, i have gotten an average of under two hours a night since last wednesday, and i am really starting to feel it. im REALLY REALLY REALLY sorry!!!

anyways, i think thats about it for this update... i guess i will have to work on posting smaller and more often! love you all!!!

SPAZ

Fri, 06 May 2005 19:02:21 GMT

okay, so i have been a maniac lately! it has been rather insane and it took me soooo long to figure out what was going on! i really thought i was losing my mind! i would do or say something and then think to myself, why the fuck did i do(say) that? seriously, i had such a freak-out that i decided to curl up in a ball until i figured out what was going on. the solution? pills! giving me mood swings like i've never experienced! ahhhhh!!! oh well!!! hopefully, now that i know what's going on, i can control it to an extent, or at least my reaction to it's prodding!

ahhh... but it is sunny up here and raining at home (to the consternation of my future step-father)! life is happy, times are good, and i'm working on trusting that things COULD stay that way for a little while! i wish some things were going better and that parts of life were simpler, but what would life be like if everyone were content with the way things are going? it would be just plain wrong wouldn't it? :) anyways, i hope everyone has a smiley day because it tis friday and sunny and the weekend is looking to be quite relaxing and empty!

BITCH.... hehehehehehehehe

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 06:24:07 GMT

so, its been a while since i updated this thing, but everytime i start to i get distracted by homework or class, and then by the time i get back to it, whatever i was typing no longer applies! besides that, it seems like i have been talking to a lot of people about pretty much everything lately. i'm not really comfortable with it, but i needed to talk to a certain person and they weren't around and if i hadn't started talking to other people, i was going to explode! i did finally get to talk to that person this last weekend though. i went home and despite it being a two-day weekend, aka too short, and me being sick and having to drive anyways cuz some people are too weird about which part of the drive they will drive on, and me nearly falling asleep at the wheel, but not, and the fact that i got next to nothing done... it was a totally AWESOME weekend. i got to hang with my brother and his girlfriend for a few hours, mostly lame cuz they were playing on cell phones, but i got in some serious talk-time with sylvia, which was nice. mom was out of town, which was also nice, cuz i didn't have to worry about keeping things exactly the way she likes them, not until i had to leave anyway, and i may have forgotten something in the living room, i'm not sure though. oh well, all she will do is put it in the middle of my room anyway, along with anything else she finds and decides belongs in my room that doesn't really and will only annoy me when i go home and my bed is buried in stuff that doesn't even belong to me. like my brother's mail, that one happens a lot for some unknown reason. anyways... my weekend... yeah... talking about the retarded things my mother does will easily cause distraction, for daiys... so mom was gone and i hung out with devon and sylvia. then saturday afternoon i got to watch brigitta's tennis match, which was awesome! some crazy lady kept telling me how she didn't know why she didn't guess who i was there with - after i told her - because we look so much alike... then i told her we weren't even related by blood, and she kept insisting that we have the same eyes and eyebrows... seriously, we don't, but it was funny and me and my aunt had a good laugh about it later! then we went to little italy for dinner, ate more in that one meal than i did the rest of the week, but it was yummy! went to the rose for dessert... hmmmm... capuccino cheese cake.... only was able to eat a couple bites, but it was the best two bites of cheesecake i have ever had. then we went and hung out at their house - my aunt and uncle and i - and it was awesome! throughout the day i had been talking to my aunt about all the stuff that is going on right now and i asked her what she thought and she made me feel so much better about everything! i did come to sort of a decision, sounds weird i know, but it's true. it was very helpful. so i may not have gotten any school stuff done, but i took care of the stuff that has been distracting me from the school stuff, so hopefully i can focus... cuz making a speech about something i havent researched at all will look REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD!!!!! well... i think i have done my duty in updating and all that... i don't think i can really even justify as much time as i have spent doing this already, but it was fun and i NEEDed a break! sad.... i'd only been working for like ten minutes... i know, i know, i should cry about it! see... i'm stalling!!! hehehehehehe

.............

even though i know how very far apart we are
i know we'll both be wishing on the same bright star

somewhere out there
under the pale moonlight
someone's thinking of me
and missing me tonight

.........

weird lyrics to pop into my head! heheheheheehehe

......
i hate the world today, you're so good to me i know but i can't change
tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe i'm an angel underneath, innocent and sweet
yesterday i cried, must have been relieved to see the softer side
i can understand how you'd be so confused, i don't envy you
i'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one

i'm a bitch, i'm a lover
i'm a child, i'm a mother
i'm a sinner, i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed
i'm your hell, i'm your dream
i'm nothing in between you know you wouldn't want it any other way

so take me as i am, this may mean you'll have to be a stronger man
rest assured that when i make you nervous, and i'm going to extremes
tomorrow i will change, and today won't mean a thing

i'm a bitch, i'm a lover
i'm a child, i'm a mother
i'm a sinner, i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed
i'm your hell, i'm your dream
i'm nothing in between you know you wouldn't want it any other way

.....

just when you think, you got me figured out
the season's already changin'
i think it's cool, you do what you do
and don't try to save me

i'm a bitch, i'm a lover
i'm a child, i'm a mother
i'm a sinner, i'm a saint
i do not feel ashamed
i'm your hell, i'm your dream
i'm nothing in between you know you wouldn't want it any other way

i'm a bitch, i'm a tease
i'm a goddess on my knees
when you're hurt, when you suffer
i'm your angel undercover
i've been numb, i'm revived
can't say i'm not alive you know i wouldn't want it any other way

not quite accurate, but it's fun

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 23:50:51 GMT

Your dating personality profile:
You matched the following traits:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active.
Your date match profile:

You match with men who have following traits:

Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Adventurous - You are looking for someone who is willing to try new things and experience life to its fullest. You need a companion who encourages you to take risks and do exciting things.

Your Top Ten Traits, Ranked Your Top Ten Match Traits, Ranked
1. Liberal 1. Conservative
2. Big-Hearted 2. Big-Hearted
3. Athletic 3. Adventurous
4. Intellectual 4. Athletic
5. Adventurous 5. Intellectual
6. Practical 6. Funny
7. Romantic 7. Practical
8. Sensual 8. Outgoing
9. Wealthy/Ambitious 9. Sensual
10. Outgoing 10. Romantic

contentment is a happy place to be

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 00:34:01 GMT

Well, things are definitely interesting these days, to say the least.... I realized today that as soon as one issue in my life disappears another one pops up! rather irritating and probably annoying to those around me. oh well. classes could definitely be more boring, schedule is kinda full, work could be quit if i hadnt lost funding, or if i didnt have to buy a new car over break, but whatever. despite it all, i am really content in my life... im where i want to be, doing what i want to do. im living the life i mapped out for myself a long time ago... and realizing that makes me pretty damn happy, no matter what else is going on!

GGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 00:34:08 GMT

okay, so the quarter only started yesterday, and I know that overall the only person I can blame for my current situation is me. But SERIOUSLY! How much is one person really supposed to deal with at a time. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. I did four hours of homework yesterday! FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!!!! After that you may ask? It was close to ten o'clock at night AND I STILL WASN'T DONE!!!! This is fucking ridiculous. I am so tired of work already. I don't know how I could possibly have this much to do. Today I went to work. I only had to stay for like an hour and do some stupid TA type shit. My boss is really cool and totally willing to work with my schedule, but I still have to make money this quarter, seeing as I now have a car to pay for. As for everything else I am dealing with but refusing to talk or think about for the most part. I am still refusing to talk about. cant help thinking about it. but it doesnt need to be discussed. and PLEASE quit being so fucking optimistic ALL OF YOU. I can't handle this pergatory much longer and the optimistic pep talks dont help. I know that people mean well, but I am tired. I just want life to go away and stop happening. I used to think I was stressed, but I really had no idea what stress was until now. No pity either.... there are a couple of people who look at me sometimes with a look on their face that is either pity or alarm. I don't want either, there is no cause for it. I have dealt with worse shit than this in my life and I will deal with it now. It's who I am. At least I think so. Knowing myself was much easier before. When I had time to myself to think. Now it's always about having enough time to do this or that but never to just think, and when I do have the time, I am usually sleeping because always doing something is very exhausting. I can't keep this pace. I can't keep waiting for things to happen. I can't keep trying to do things I don't want to do or don't care about in the least. I can't keep being who everyone back home wants me to be, and I am beginning to wonder if I can be the person I thought I was and that I want to be either. Damn, now I'm sad to go with the tired. I quit.

This is a couple days old - group chats can be as fun as groups hanging!!!!!

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 02:09:36 GMT

YotaCorcis (12:49:59 AM): i've been told I am on the fast track to hell...
Poogle64 (12:50:10 AM): oh sad
Poogle64 (12:50:16 AM): but hell is a good place
JenaeLuna (12:50:26 AM): i live there.... you can buy property near mine!
Poogle64 (12:50:28 AM): ithere is a bad person hell and a good person hell
Poogle64 (12:50:29 AM): lol
Poogle64 (12:50:39 AM): well party hell
JenaeLuna (12:50:53 AM): PARTY IN HELL..... YEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Poogle64 (12:51:05 AM): YAYAY

GGGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 08:20:28 GMT

so, im beginning to hate boys, in a big way. i am so confused. just when i decide there is no reason to hope or think that there is no way that anything can happen, they give reason to change how you think! its insane and i dont know what to do. all i know is that i cant take much more of this! im on a fucking roller coaster and im starting to get sick but the damn operator wont let me off the ride! either the ride can stop or i will jump. i just cant keep going the way ive been.

fuck it.

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 05:16:24 GMT

You scored as Sleeping Beauty. Your alter ego is Princess Aurora, a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty! You are beautiful and enchanting, and as sweet as ever.

</td>

Sleeping Beauty

88%

Cinderella

88%

Peter Pan

75%

The Beast

69%

Pinocchio

63%

Snow White

56%

Goofy

50%

Ariel

50%

Donald Duck

38%

Cruella De Ville

31%

Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego?
created with QuizFarm.com

MY CAAAARRRR!!!!!! NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 04:35:28 GMT

so, bad news. my car would cost more to fix than its worth, but wait, it gets better! not only is it required to replace my transmission if i want it fixed, but if i dont, i will probably lose it on my way to bellingham, which means that i dont currently have a car. i have a car i can use this week, but then im stuck with no ride, how im getting home, i dont know. im kinda fucked. but that would be the story of my life right?

well.... that obviously isnt the only thing going on in my life, but too much is up in the air... like my grades and other shit, so i will wait until i know something for sure before posting it....

excited for spring break, good friends and good times... rather than guess and plan, ill comment after things happen.

waiting to exhale

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 10:53:43 GMT

some days i do well, and other days i dont. i hate when people see that weakness in me. i hate that it exists. i wont say that all would be well if it didnt, all i know is that right now it seems as though life would be easier. and i really hate that. i want to thank all of those who have been there... whether it be by accident or on purpose... i love you all!!!

BLERGH

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 03:16:51 GMT

Hmmmmmm...... yeah, it really is just one of those days where nothing seems to be going my way, but its okay, cuz in the end, nothing else matters. i know that i quote that song a lot, but i really do like it... eventually there will be a posting with just the lyrics but for now... i just like that line.

so, i have decided that i bitch a lot on this thing and that i probably shouldn't bitch so much because there are a lot of people out there in a way worse situation than me. however, right now, i don't have the energy to sympathize with any of them. it seems like the more i NEED to do something, the harder it is. well, at least when it comes to my school work. that's okay though. eventually i am sure that i will get through this. somehow. it just seems like there is so much weighing on my mind, carrying me down, like a stone around my neck. ive made some hard decisions recently, theres nothing else i can do about it. i dont have a choice anymore. i cant keep waiting to feel better, for it all to go away, i have to accept that this is how i am and that i have to do what i have to do to be the best me that i can. maybe it will help. maybe it won't. i will never know unless i try it though. so i give in, i give up. i have no choice. please forgive me, any of you who feel the same way about this as i do. not that many of you will know what im talking about. but some of you do. i've survived too much. i want to go back to living and to happiness. i don't want to merely survive, i want a life. i want joy. i want freedom. i want to believe that its not a selfish or unduly demanding thing to ask of fate. i don't even know if i believe in fate. i just .... i....... i just don't know anything anymore.

Chrissy says so!

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 23:33:37 GMT

According to Chrissy I must now make a post inviting all of you to ask me three questions, whatever you please, with the promise that I will answer honestly. SO... go for it!!! Chrissy, you had better be first... seeing as this is sorta your thing. and yes i meant the laughing game...you are awesome!!!!!

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 09:33:23 GMT

some days i just don't know what to think. like now. i have so much going right, but so much is so very wrong. all the things that i used to think were important are finally starting to work out. well, maybe not ALL. but most. and the things that i never really cared about, that's going all wrong, and i don't think that it would be possible to describe how i feel at this exact moment. and if i couuld explain it, would it make sense? and if it did make sense... i guess its just one of those days where i feel like nobody would care. and thats not a crack at my friends. i know that you all are there for me... its just that, well, some days, a friend just isnt enough.

its as if my whole world has been falling down around me, and there is no safe place to hide. my ship is going down and there arent any life-preservers, no little boats to await helps arrival. everything that was familiar is gone. everything i wanted has been placed out of reach. everything i miss is turning its back and walking away. if only i could find my voice, just long enough to make them turn back again. the energy to sprint forward and catch up. to make them see reason. its like when you stare at a blank page long enough, that you start to see a pattern. and then when you color in the pattern, it isnt at all what you thought it would be. like maybe you originally saw a pretty design, but in color its a jagged mess. then you try to fix it, maybe erase it and start over, for surely you simply misjudged a line here or there, and if you just start over, you can recapture the beauty. but youve made a BIG mistake, you see, the pens you grabbed were permanent. which normally would be disappointing, but okay, but someone saw you coloring and decided your picture was interesting, so they forced you to frame it and put it on the wall for the world to see. now everyone is discussing it. you have nowhere to go, because they are all whispering about it. trying to decide its meaning. trying to figure out what the artist was thinking, what you were trying to portray. what are you working on now. will this be as interesting. will it be another attempt at beauty. are you still drawing. or is your canvas still blank.

maybe this analogy is all wrong and maybe its exactly right. maybe you know what im talking about and maybe you dont. just remember this, all you who read, im rarely talking about what you think i am. and im almost never saying what you think i might. i have many sides and many places i go. i am without a home and currently without a hope of finding one. if you think you know what im talking about. you could be right, but before you comment, spend a couple extra moments thinking, because this time, you dont want to be mistaken.

Tomorrow

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 07:23:21 GMT

Tomorrow is a new day, and maybe then I will find the energy to move on, and to forget.
Until tomorrow does begin, my life is set.
I can't seem to find myself, I don't know where I went wrong.
I'm beginning to fear that I have been wrong all along.
I have lost that comforting sense of who I am.
I no longer know where I am going.
All that I know is that I can't go home.
Not the physical home, that is safe and I will be back there soon.
However, the mental home is gone and it will not be found.
I don't know what to do or where to go.
I know where I would choose were I able.
Some days, a person just wants to go home.